I’m not going to lie, this season has left me awfully uninspired. If you haven’t heard from me, I’ve been a bit off lately. I’m like those last few seasons of LOST, just going through the motions with the occasional WTF moment. I haven’t really wanted to workout and really haven’t felt like eating clean. The holidays are here, and I often find myself being a grinch about the fact that I can’t have EVERYTHING I want, aka….alcohol and food.
I spent most of the afternoon reflecting on why I’m so pissed off. I put on my workout pants that I bought during contest prep, and it looked like a “People of Walmart meme.” Too tight. Eek. Every time I wear a pair of tight pants it feels like a fucking failure. I’m tough on myself, but then I got to thinking that a lot of people probably feel this way.
Most of you follow this blog because you are hoping to find balance between fitness, food, and family. I get it. I was there. I used to have a trainer who would make me feel like shit every time I ate a cookie. I eventually felt like such a failure that I just stopped trying. And when I say I stopped trying, I just mean in general. I let my appearance go, ate what I wanted, and embraced that crappy feeling. I drank wine at night. I searched job opportunities and didn’t go after them because I felt so crappy. I’d occasionally get on the elliptical, but I’d watch someone super fit go by and think to myself,
“I’m not going to have that. I don’t look like her.” I wasn’t born with those genetics; that life is just not meant FOR ME. “
It was at the height of my negative self talk phase that I overheard a friend talking to a stranger. We were all swimming, and the woman asked her why I was wearing a one piece bathing suit. This friend replied, “Oh, she just got married and kind of let herself go.” Number one, that person’s role in my life has been changed. Number two, that was not going to be my story.
I’m telling you this incredibly painful story because I know there are some of you sitting there thinking that the life I have is not for you. You might be feeling like you let yourself go. You are going to get on that elliptical, and think that there is no way you will ever accomplish what you want. I am telling you, you can. For me, it was all about finding the right program. I found that Sleek Body Method was right for me because it was mainly women and it was a safe space for me to try things that I felt stupid doing. I was not surrounded by haters who told me I “let myself go.” Understand this, we never let ourselves go, we just get lost sometimes.
Fitness for me was a domino effect. The more you conquer things you didn’t think you could do, the better you feel. Maybe for you, it’s just getting to the gym. Or maybe it’s hitting that PR on a deadlift. You are going to have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Make some goals. Do something scary. I promise you won’t die. You are going to have to invest in learning about dieting, but once you learn it, you’ll be able to have everything you want (in moderation.) When I finally felt better, I went after the job I wanted and it’s literally my dream job. I love what I do and the people I work with. I have a body that I NEVER THOUGHT I would get. If no one tells you this today, you can totally do this, and if you need help, I can get you to the right people. Set goals and…