If you’ve ever met me in person, you would probably agree that I can be a bit “high strung.” I’m a fairly anxious person, and whether it’s worrying about my dog’s health or if I left my straightening iron on, I’ve usually preoccupied myself with some unnecessary thought.  I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life.  From the time I was a kid, it seemed I was constantly worrying. At 23, I started taking medication that assists with it, but I’ve often wondered if there are other things that contribute to me acting like Wynona Ryder in every single episode of “Stranger Things.”

I decided to seek answers, and visited Dr. Christina Robins (MD) at Revitalife Wellness Center. They don’t take standard insurance, so the fee was lofty (about $500.00), but I received every treatment under the sun, from a body fat assessment (which I promptly argued), to an EKG, to a blood panel that included food allergies. I returned this week for my full assessment of results and here’s what I found.  I’m relatively healthy, but allergic to some things I love, specifically bread and cheese. God, a freaking gluten allergy. I’m so basic that even my allergies are basic.

It made a lot of sense though; after researching gluten allergies, I realized a lot of the symptoms were there, from bloat to fatigue…and then bam…ANXIETY.  There has been a lot of clinical research behind the correlation between gluten allergies and anxiety and it’s really hard to think that my deep love for carbs could be making me sad.  Stupid neurotransmitters. It’s a toxic relationship, and one I’m planning on addressing.  Today we stocked up the house with gluten free everything. I bought gluten free bread and it was total bullshit, but I’m doing it.  New diet, who dis?

In addition to being allergic to my fave foods, I was also found to have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). This is a hormonal imbalance that happens in women, which can often cause depression, infertility, and some other pretty unpleasant symptoms like weight gain and hair loss, or hair gain.  eeeek. It also means that my body produces a bit more testosterone than the average woman, which means I can easily build muscle (genetic predisposition to GAINZ). In addition to the gainz however, PCOS can also make you hang on to belly fat.  I aggressively dieted for both my shows, and could never seem to rid myself of that part.  I promptly questioned if this could be the reason I don’t have a six pack (it could be…I’m just saying).

I started on some medication to help balance this out, so I’m looking forward to that.  I know I could be all down on this diagnosis, specifically with the fertility part, but I will deal with that at a later time. What I’m most excited about is finally having some answers and more direction on how to deal with myself!

Anyway, with the combination of the medication and the allergies, I’ll be keeping you posted on what my new diet looks like.  I promise to be completely honest with my struggles, so feel free to follow my IG story to learn more. If any of you have experience with gluten allergies or PCOS, I’d love to hear it. Or if you have a gluten free recipe that doesn’t taste like total garbage drop it below.

Love,

Caitlin

Dieting doesn’t have to be miserable!

One of the coolest things about macro dieting is that you can be really creative with food.  If you are in prep, this can be really challenging to do, but for an everyday lifestyle client, these choices are pretty easy.

Many people tell me that they “can’t eat like a rabbit.” You don’t have to.  Another one of my all time favorite crutches is, “I have kids.” I know it’s hard to avoid pizza, tacos, and ice cream when you are surrounded by those little sugar consuming monsters, so..don’t avoid them, hack them. 

Let me preface this by saying, I’m not a parent, but I have close friends that are and I’ve been witness to some bad ass parenting when it comes to nutrition. My best friend works in nutrition, and her children can actually read labels and make healthy choices on their own.  Teaching kids about nutrition is critical because these are real life scenarios they will have to face.  When I went to college, I thought I was making healthy choices, but turns out I wasn’t. These great recipe swaps don’t just give you a chance to educate and engage kids, but enjoy a meal with your family without feeling guilt.

Let’s take tacos as our first example..because Tacos are life.  Say you really want tacos, but need to limit your carb intake…You’ve already switched up your protein from beef to turkey,  but now you’re stuck looking at soft taco shells. The below are both great choices, but the tortilla on the right, is a much better one as it saves you nearly 9 grams of carbs.  Let the kids load their own tacos with fresh veggies  and tomatoes! So fun!

You might be saying, “That’s great, but I don’t care about 9 grams of carbs.” Cool bro.  Let’s try another.  Say you really really want pizza, but its way off of your plan. My personal favorite is BBQ chicken Pizza. Girl, bye. The macros in this would be insane.  In a frozen pizza from CPK, you are going to get AT least 34g of carbs per serving.  Here’s what I did: I bought a low carb thin crust, some low carb BBQ sauce, fat free cheese, and topped with chicken.  Again, I focused on eliminating extra CARBS first (additionally, be careful with those sauces yo).  I saved over 20g of carbs between sauces, toppings, and crust. These are super fun to let your kids make individually.  When you pick out your toppings, show them labels and help them make choices. Or let your husband make his own pizza because he likes everything too spicy 🙂

Ok, so we’ve covered pizza AND tacos…Let’s get really crazy and check out ice cream.  I am a huge fan of Halo Top.  Halo top not only boasts more protein, but utilizes organic stevia instead of sugar.  I actually snipped this from their website and I thought it was so cool.  Not only is the calorie difference jarring, but check out those carbs!

My point here is, not only do you not have to limit yourself, but you can use macro hacking as a tool to teach kids healthy choices, even when faced with unhealthy foods! Everyone wins.  Below are some of my other favorite hacks and swaps. What are yours?

Go forth and conquer!

“We’re going to lose our jobs, don’t freak out,” my coworker said, “You’re not going to die.” I was going to die. I was pretty damn sure of it. My heart was pounding and I could feel a heart attack coming on slowly. When my name was called, I headed down to the HR office where I sat with my then boss, who explained myself and two others were being laid off.  I don’t remember the rest, except today, would be my last day. My boss then asked, “Would you like to get your things now or later?” I told her I would go up, but she informed me she would have to escort me. You know, like a criminal. She escorted me to the door,  and then it was done. The first job I EVER HAD.  I cried hysterically  to my Dad, who told me. “This sucks, but you’re not going to die.” CLEARLY, I am, and also why do people keep saying that?

When I returned home, I removed my work clothes to get into mandatory depression sweatpants. As I looked in the mirror, I I was unrecognizable. I had gained nearly 40 pounds from working long hours and attending school at night. For what? No matter what anyone could have said, all I could hear was

“You are so not valuable to anyone. You can’t even keep a job, and good luck getting one looking like that. You have let everyone down, including yourself.”

As much as I preach positivity, in my darkest hours, I couldn’t find the strength to be kind to myself. I was angry.

During the first week of fun-employment, my friend approached me about a bootcamp challenge. “I cannot do that. It will be stupid!” I proclaimed. I acted angry, but really I was scared. Everyone would be better than me and I couldn’t face another failure. I called the trainer, who told me everything would be fine, but still…ugh. I almost threw up, and I had to modify like EVERYTHING. But at the end, my big ass kind of felt like a bad ass.  In a time when everything was going wrong, to actually complete something made me feel: accomplished. I followed my trainers program to the letter of the law, and within 21 days, had lost ten lbs.  I had lined up a few interviews and I was feeling myself.  I decided  I would control my destiny. I turned down multiple jobs, and I finally found a place I liked. I talked about myself like someone I loved, proved my value, and left the same day with a job and a 20k raise. I also negotiated an earlier start time to ensure I would be able to leave work on time to make bootcamp (#worklifebalance).

As time went on, I became more accomplished. I was putting myself out there, speaking at events and slowly dropping the pounds. The more weight I lost, the more confidence I gained. I was always trying new workouts that challenged me and it brought me to a revelation. I realized my confidence made me a great fit for sales.  I checked out a local recruiter, and sent him my oddly scattered resume. “Well, which company do you want to work for?” he asked kindly.  “The biggest and best job posting you have.” I replied.  His voice had the tone of someone telling a child that Santa Claus isn’t real. “This is a major fortune 500 organization, and your experience is a bit..well…all over the place.” I tried to not be discouraged, but I boldly told him that if he got me the interview, I would take the job.  I was a salesperson, I had decided it.

The interview process at the company was one of the hardest I’d ever been through. At points, I panicked. During a multi question test, I kept remember hearing my dad saying. “But you won’t die.” I’m pretty sure I blacked out for part of it, because to this day I don’t remember what that lady asked me.  Oddly enough, I had the job. It was my first time in a big company, but I finally felt like people were listening to my ideas and thoughts. My accomplishments in fitness began to seep into my subconscious, and I started showing my confidence. I talked to anyone that would listen.  Before I knew it I was a manager.

Around that time, that my little negative gremlin thoughts started creeping in. My fitness started slipping with the new stress and constant travel; I went into panic mode. My weight had crept up 20 lbs.  I called my trainer and said, “I think I need to enter a bodybuilding competition. And we need to make it work for while I’m traveling, because I have to do my job too.” I’d already lost weight, so why not try the real IMPOSSIBLE?  I made a plan, measured my food, worked out on the road, and controlled myself at happy hours.  About four weeks (and 12 business trips,  into my diet) I had my first presentation as a boss. It was also at the pinnacle of my near 100 lb weight loss.  There everyone was looking at me because suddenly I was the expert. “Ugh, I cannot do this!,” I thought. But really, again, I did it, it went awesome. Nobody died.

My bikini competition came in October. It wasn’t big, but the months of dieting were starting to get to me…and my anxiety. I looked at some of the girls and I was like “Holy shit, I’ve made a giant mistake.” I was the fat girl, and I called my mom to explain I could NOT do it. My mom replied, “No! You’re Beyonce! Just like…pretend you’re Beyonce!” Um ok. I slipped on my gold bikini, and remembered that I had every right to be there as the next girl. I had done the work, and a plastic trophy wouldn’t change that.  Plus, I was Beyonce. I took 4^th, but after a giant brunch, I returned to work, continued to kill it and checked off another scary bucket list item where I didn’t croak.

Many people ask why I even compete. Losing weight was the hardest thing I’ve  done, and many times I failed.  I’ve failed in my career and often in fitness, but I’ve learned to exist comfortably with failure. As I proved in the above, life will always throw discomfort your way, but the more you embrace it, the easier it is to survive.  I know when crap hits the fan, I won’t be worried about how to get it together. Everyone from my family to my employees will count on me. I will continue to compete because it is so scary, but every time I push myself harder, I keep getting better.

I write this because many of you are struggling with failure. Whether it is weight gain, a job loss, or even a failed marriage; take this time to get comfortable with the pain, and know that YOU have the power to change it.  If you feel like you can’t do it, remember that a former fat girl pretending to be Beyonce placed in a bikini competition.  Do the bootcamp TODAY, lift the weights TODAY, apply for the job TODAY, because at the end of the day, did you die?

Love, C

I am Beyonce. ALWAYS.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m in prep. Soooo…this is fun. Obvi, I recognize Valentine’s Day is a whole thing invented by Hallmark and blah blah blah, but who doesn’t love getting fancy and feeling loved?

My very first Valentine’s Day with Tyler, we didn’t have a ton of money, so he spent all day and cooked me spaghetti, which is legit one of my favorite dishes. He even cooked garlic bread which you could smell down the hallways of the building.  The apartment was tiny; when I arrived it was lit up with tiny candles and had an adorable checkered table cloth. He was dressed up, wearing nice pants and a button down, which also resembled my all time favorite celeb crush, Chris Meloni (OR Elliot Stabler if we must mention him by character). As I think back on this,  I remember feeling so loved, but equally important -how good those MOTHER LOVING CARBS WERE.

It never fails that on Valentine’s Day, I start thinking about spaghetti (oh yeah, and my husband). I would likely murder someone and step over their dead body to go to Cunnetto’s, which literally serves tortellini in a trough like fashion.  But, we’re both cutting and need to make some tough choices. We’ll likely eat sushi, but I can’t get spaghetti out of my head. Although this isn’t as Stabler-esqe as my first Valentine’s Day, it is sure a welcome substitute.

Before we begin, I want to point out a few things that are different about this recipe:

*Notice I used chicken sausage rather than regular. This is due to the *high* fat content in sausage.

*Notice I substituted a sauce with diced tomatoes with LOW SALT.  Check the back of your pasta sauces when you buy them. Check for carbs especially. Sometimes something that boasts “low fat,” can mean “high carb” or “high sugar”

*Remember that Better Than Pasta is an oat flour noodle. Learn more about it in my previous post,  bur this pasta is lean and needs flavor yo! If you can’t get behind Better Than Pasta, opt for a brown rice noodle or whole wheat pasta noodle.

Ingredients

As I was running  today, I started recalling when I first started dieting. I actually called my coach and said, “Listen, I really can’t workout four days a week because I have a REALLY BUSY JOB and I can’t run because my knee is messed up, and I really can’t do much cardio because I have asthma.” She was super understanding. When I got there, we didn’t run, but we did plyometrics. I had to take my inhaler twice, complained that the jumping bothered my injured knee, but I don’t know what hurt worse; my knee, my lungs, or my feelings. It was a lot easier to blame my knee and my Benjamin Button-esque immunity system for my lack of ability to workout, rather than admit that I had completely let myself go. Truth: My knee wasn’t keeping me from working out, my priorities and fear were.

I hear this a lot from people. Whether it’s an old injury, a busy schedule, or family commitments, it seems there is always something keeping folks from the life they want. Don’t get me wrong, I go down this path too. Tomorrow I’ll get on a plane and I’ll be gone until THURSDAY. I’ll return Friday for back to back meetings. I was in the throws of a full blown pity party, when I realized that I am complaining about the fact that I have to workout for a competition I SIGNED UP FOR. Two years ago, I was complaining that I was too fat couldn’t go to the gym because I had “too much on my plate.” I did, it was too much food, but my point is that it’s always something.

It took me a long time to face this, and I hope you appreciate it when I say that you are the only person keeping you from having the body you want.

If you decide to stay home and mop the floor and “don’t have time,” to go to the gym, it really just means the floors were more important. What if you didn’t mop them? Would the dirt police arrest you?  If you didn’t go to happy hour with your friends what would happen? Would they unfriend you?! If you decided to skip that episode of Grey’s Anatomy, would it be the ONE episode where they bring McDreamy back from the dead? My point is, we all create reasons why we are “too busy,” or have “obstacles,” but maybe the real reason is that we are (1) afraid we will fail and it’s easier to tell ourselves we can’t and (2) afraid to make ourselves a priority in fear we will let down the people we love.  I can promise you this, if someone really loves you, they will understand. Creating boundaries is healthy, and being healthy means you can love and live longer.

It took me a long time to learn that putting myself first doesn’t equal disappointing people. I can shut off my phone for one hour. I can leave the dirt on the floor for a day. I can freaking tape Grey’s or watch it on the treadmill instead of listening to Tyler ask repeatedly if someone is a ghost which LITERALLY ONLY HAPPENED ONCE.

If you are thinking of excuses this week, change their names to challenges and find a solution. Knee injury keeping you from running? Try walking uphill or an elliptical! I was on a work trip with a coworker and she had MAJOR knee surgery and was doing squats that I CAN’T EVEN do. Why? Because she made her recovery a priority and handled it like a f*cking boss. Too much housework to do? Ask your family to pitch in. No time to cook? Invest in some pre-cooked meals or utilize the crockpot! The possibilities are endless!

What tasks are keeping you from hitting the gym? Comment below and let’s find solutions!

Happy Working Out-

C

As most of you know, I’m knee deep in prep. I’m already fighting off cravings which is awful at this stage in the game. My biggest issue is the fact I LOVE CARBS.  It doesn’t even matter the kind of carbs, if it remotely resembles bread, I want it. The worst part is,  I find myself thinking about all the things I CAN’T have the second I enter prep. But, if you want something and can’t have it, a good rule of thumb is to modify. In the coming weeks, I’ll be highlighting my all time favorite “clean” cheat tricks!

This dish features my go-to noodles in prep. These are fat free, gluten free, wheat free, and are EXTREMELY low in carbs. I order them in bulk on Amazon. These aren’t “fake” noodles, but they are made with organic Konnyaku flour, which are from the roots of  a Japanese plant called Konjac. They don’t taste like your typical pasta noodle, rather more a noodle that you may find in an asian stir fry. Now, when you open these, they will have a “plant-like,” smell because of where they come from, but once rinsed and cooked, they don’t taste that way. Note that these noodles have a bland taste, but are wonderful when accompanied by lots of flavors!

Ingredients

1 tbsp minced garlic

Sriracha to taste

1. Rinse noodles and set aside. (Don’t worry about drying them too too much)
2. Spray a skillet and heat at medium heat.
3. Add garlic and brown slightly.
4. Add chicken breast and toss lightly. Add noodles and toss with chicken until tender (usually about 5 minutes).
5. Add Peanut Butter, sauce, and PB2 to skillet and stir until melted together. (It will be chunky at first but don’t freak. The leftover water on noodles will soak up PB2)
6. Add sriracha to taste

Annnnd you’re done! Note that this dish doesn’t always look appetizing, but it is delicious!

Happy Dieting!

–C

Sorry the presentation was bad….I was halfway done eating it when I decided to take a pic. My bad. 

Ahhhh, sorry I’ve been absent on the old social media lately. On top of starting a new year at work, I also started another prep, which means I have to get it together in order to be ready for my next show! 13 weeks UNTIL UFE!

If you follow my blog, you know my preps can get PRETTY interesting with the fact that I travel so much. One of my favorite strategies is to meal prep at the beginning of the week. My goal in prep is to make my life feel AS NORMAL as possible by making foods I enjoy. If you want to sit there and eat chicken, be my guest… but it sounds miserable.

Today I really wanted Chinese. Like bad. Like a whole thing of steamed rice and 15 crab rangoon, but I didn’t. Instead I made this super healthy beef and broccoli stir fry. This really only takes under 20 minutes, and it is good for kids and adults alike!

You’ll need:

1.5 oz lean sirloin, chopped into bite sized pieces

11 oz broccoli

2 tbsp sesame seeds (These are high in fat guys. I was very low on my fats today so I added, but if you are watching fat content, you may want to drop to 1 tbsp.)

3-4 tbsp Zero Calorie Sesame Ginger Dressing by Walden Farms

1 tbsp Ginger (I use the squeezable kind)

1 tbsp Garlic (again…squeezable)

`16 Oz Culinary Cuts Cauliflower Cauliettes (or just chopped up cauliflower)

Again, my goal is to make this as easy as possible,so I often invest in pre-chopped broccoli if possible, or pre chopped cauliflower like these. These are great because you can steam them right in the bag and use them to make cauliflower mashed potatoes, cauliflower rice, whatev.

Another one of my prep staples is Walden Farms ANYTHING. I actually found this dressing the other day which got me ALL FIRED up about this recipe.  Walden Farms is 0 calories. They also have everything; caramel topping, ranch, coffee creamer. It can all be found in the veggie aisle of your local grocery store.

To make this recipe is pretty simple.

1. Preheat skillet on a medium setting

2. Spray down a large pan with fat free cooking spray and add sesame seeds, ginger, and garlic. Toast until sesame seeds are golden brown

2. Add chopped sirloin and toss with seeds and seasonings to your desired taste.

3. Remove steak and set aside.

4. Add a small amount of olive oil or spray and then add broccoli. Saute the broccoli until it’s a little brown and crispy.

5. Combine broccoli and steak and add the Walden Farms dressing.

6. Mix well and simmer for 5-10 minutes.

7. Serve on top of Cauliflower Rice

To Make The Cauliflower “Rice” 

1. Steam bag in microwave as directed.

2. Saute in a separate pan with ginger and garlic until golden.

P.S. Here are the macros for my fellow IIFYMers!!!

Happy prepping!

Have you ever drastically changed your diet and noticed you are getting puffy in the face or breaking out with acne?  I was recently scrolling through pictures of my prep and there were certain weeks where I not only looked tired, but had acne worse than my teenage years! WTF?!

The actual check in pic, unedited (well you see the major edit!) Acne, tired. Meh.

Your hormones change along with your diet, which can also cause drastic changes in your skin. Unfortunately for me, I also have very sensitive skin which makes it hard to find a cleanser with salycilic acid that doesn’t make me totally red.

Before I give you a few tips on skin care, I want to explore some of the skincare rules I live by:

1. Never leave your home without SPF on your face. Make sure to use makeup or moisturizer that contains SPF. If in the sun like Mexico, opt for an SPF 100. Use bronzer because I’d rather be fake tan and young then look old AF from UVA/UVB rays.
2. Don’t get in a tanning bed: I’m not going to slam you with research but skin cancer is real, and if you’re hopping in a tanning bed you’re not excluded from this. I used to tan in high school, but now I won’t be caught dead. Opt for a spray tan with a true professional, like Amanda Bluestein at Maplewood Beauty Bar.
3.  Drink Water: Water has incredible skin benefits and hydrated skin is healthy skin.
4. Don’t go to bed with makeup on: If you’re not going to take it off, invest in makeup remover wipes to keep by your bed!

Here is my skincare lineup…. I choose Mario Badescu for a lot of things because they lean towards natural botanicals and are gentle on skin. They are also highly reasonable in regards to price.

	Mario Badescu: Keratoplast Cream Soap Found : Ulta Cost: $12.00 (Cheap) This is a very creamy cleanser that can be used on sensitive skin. This is formulated with Isodecyl Salicylate (a gentle beta hydroxy acid also known as Keratoplast) to help rid the skin of pore-clogging buildup. I use twice daily as cream based cleansers won’t dry out skin.
	Mario Badescu Anti Acne Serum Found: Online or at Ulta Cost: $20.00 I actually don’t use this product all of the time. It’s very small and can dry out skin. When I am having an extreme breakout, I find this helpful in treating existing acne or helping with blackheads.
	Mario Badescu Collagen Moisturizer Found: Online or at Ulta Cost: $24.00 I use this twice daily after cleansing, first because it contains Collagen (anti-aging), is rich in Vitamin E and also has SPF 15, which prevents further sun damage.
	Origins Clear Improvement Active Charcoal Mask Found: Online or at local retailers like Macy or Sephora Cost: $26.00 I use this very sparingly as it is a super strong mask.  The mask gets firm and tight which get out nasty oils and toxins. Again this thing gets TIGHT. It can dry out your face, so I only use during a breakout.
	Botox Found: By a licensed professional or Maplewood Beauty Bar Salon Cost: $9.00-$12.00 per unit In the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit to you that I do get botox.   Only every 6 months to once a year.  It is purely preventative and I only got slight injections near the outside of my eyes. Botox prevents aging, as well as assists with fine lines and wrinkles. If you are going to do it, I recommend finding an honest, licensed professional.

I may get some criticism for my Botox use, but I don’t really care. I believe that in an age of Instagram and filters, there has to be honesty around what we will do for vanity. I honestly don’t think it’s fair for fitness bloggers or beauty bloggers to post and say “get my look” with only partial honesty.

I started this blog in the belief that as women, we are often expected to live up to impossible standards, and let’s be honest: Nobody’s killing it. I’m not. I’m all like, “Don’t worry I’m just over here holdin down a marriage, owning 100 dogs, competing in a bodybuilding competition and embracing a career at a large company. PIECE OF CAKE.” Nope. It’s stressful, sometimes so stressful I sit in my car and cry. You want my life? Well it’s good, but it was super hard to get here.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and my career, but it doesn’t mean that sometimes managing it is hard, and I don’t feel guilty for it.  So in parting; can money buy happiness? Nope, but it can buy you Botox which in that moment is what I wanted and needed.  #SORRYNOTSORRY.

So let me leave you with this parting thought for the day: Unless someone is paying your bills, they aren’t entitled to an opinion.  Do what you want, and do it with authenticity and honesty. 

EMBRACE IT.

If you have more questions about skin care, diet, or botox, DROP EM BELOW!